Monday, April 13, 2015

Key brewery staff.

You're all rabbits to us.
A misdirected press release marked "for the attention of lazy churnalists" came to our attention recently. 

"We plan to market our beers as great tasting craft beers" said PR hack Billy Bigarms, "I've been doing this kind of shit for years, talking up useless dreck, and kissing the arses of absolutely anyone who might get me ahead"

"Friends?" He laughed, "I have no friends, but I've made loads of contacts over the years. I suppose you could call me a psychopath - Don't get me wrong, I'll do a favour for anyone, anyone who can scratch my back in return!"

Billy's partner, 198-year-old virgin's blood bather and corporate vampire Trisha Alucard nodded, "There are many people who owe us favours. It's time for us to call some of those favours in. For instance, we have people who will make the beer for us, but frankly, that's a detail." 

"Brewers and consultants are ten a penny. We may buy them, or, if it amuses me, I'll turn them." 

She laughed, "No, but seriously, I have access to capital sources that most start-up businesses couldn't even dream of." She paused and the point of her tongue touched her perfect teeth for a heartbeat. 

"We will, of course, be crowdfunding, not so much for the money, but more to give the cattle an opportunity to invite us in, as it were."