The reasoning of Professor D. Nutt.

Professor D. Nutt (honestly, it is the best name). Do you think he got picked on at school? (Bristol Grammar) and determined to show them all by swotting really hard (Cambridge, Guys, etc). Anyway, the good prof opines that there is no safe dose of alcohol for these reasons:

Alcohol is a toxin that kills cells such as microorganisms, which is why we use it to preserve food and sterilise skin, needles etc. Alcohol kills humans too.

This is true, as far as it goes, but then this is true for Oxygen also. So, the problem here is one of over-generalisation. What is true for alcohol in a certain context needn't be true for alcohol per se. A similar claim could be made for bricks. They kill mice and humans if dropped from a height onto them, but are generally considered safe as building materials.

Although most people do not become addicted to alcohol on their first drink, a small proportion do.

Really?

As a clinical psychiatrist who has worked with alcoholics for more than 30 years, I have seen many people who have experienced a strong liking of alcohol from their very first exposure

Just a liking then?

and then gone on to become addicted to it.

Oh, and then "gone on", so not addicted at first exposure then?

We cannot at present predict who these people will be,

Because you've just made it up.

so any exposure to alcohol runs the risk of producing addiction in some users.

Jeez, that sounds like a job for a Professor of Neuropsychopharmacology, perhaps you should look into that, David. Instead of wasting time grandstanding in the press?

The supposed cardiovascular benefits of a low level of alcohol intake in some middle-aged men cannot be taken as proof that alcohol is beneficial. To do that one would need a randomised trial where part of this group drink no alcohol, others drink in small amounts and others more heavily. Until this experiment has been done we don't have proof that alcohol has health benefits. A recent example of where an epidemiological association was found not to be true when tested properly was hormone replacement therapy.

I suppose the value of an epidemiological association is OK when we're talking about smoking, David? You cherry-picking devil, you.

Anyway David, you miss the point utterly. We like the booze. Some of us also like the E and the weed and that. Some of us would probably like a new magic pill from your lab. Fantastic. Get on with that, why don't you.

But remember, booze isn't just a dilute aqueous solution of ethanol. Beer particularly, is loaded (so we're told) with healthful goodies, anti-oxidants, silicon, fibre, goodness knows what. So, on balance, overall, is there a safe, or indeed positively beneficial, level of boozing? Don't ask the prof, he doesn't seem to care.

By Jingo

Recent SIBA convert Hardknott Dave invites us to critique the "Proud of British Beer" vid, with the condition that we should, in that case, explain why we haven't made our own far superior advert for British Beer. Now much as I'd love to have a go at the film, I won't do that - although I will come back to the choice of music later. No, what concerns me here is the "if you think you can do better..." argument.

When most of us criticise a beer or a top footie team ("it/they was/were shite"), We're not normally required to point to our premiership football sucesses, or to our award winning beverages. We can say such-and-such a popular music artist is rubbish, and come up with a list of objections to the material, performance and person, without having to "top" the "charts" ourselves. We're entitled to our opinions, we're entitled to hold forth on them, and you're entitled to ignore us utterly.

That geezer Voltaire once wrote "The best is the enemy of the good." - OK, he wrote "Le mieux est l'ennemi du bien." , but it wasn't his fault that he was French, so we won't hold that against him. And of course if we're waiting for the perfect promotional short for British Beer to be made, we'll wait for ever. As to whether someone else could or should have made something better - that would depend to a large part on having the budget (which I guess was quite small), and the time, as well as having the inclination.

And here we are, the bit where I carp at the choice of music. Now, I know that cost and rights constraints have to be really important in a job like this. But, really, that selection out of Holst? I actually like this bit of music, but it's terminally besmirched by being the basis of the tune "Thaxted", to which "I Vow to Thee, My Country" was often sung. Let's all refresh our memories with the words of the first verse:

I vow to thee, my country, all earthly things above,
Entire and whole and perfect, the service of my love;
The love that asks no question, the love that stands the test,
That lays upon the altar the dearest and the best;
The love that never falters, the love that pays the price,
The love that makes undaunted the final sacrifice.

Of course, this was written in 1908, when nationalistic fervour, and for that matter, senseless sacrifice and unquestioning obedience, was suitable matter for popular song. Ten years later, Owen wrote:

My friend, you would not tell with such high zest
To children ardent for some desperate glory,
The old Lie; Dulce et Decorum est
Pro patria mori.

Fifty years after that, Norman Whitfield and Barrett Strong wrote (and Edwin Starr made famous):

War (Huh) What is it good for? Absolutely nothing. (Good God, Y'all).

Here, if you're interested.

Alternate (Reality) Brewing

I used to read an awful lot of science fiction (or a lot of awful sci-fi - if you'd rather). A recurrent idea (a sub-genre, even) is that of the alternate history, and its close relative the parallel reality / universe. "What if?" the author asks. What if the Axis Powers had been victorious in WWII? ("The Man in the High Castle" - Philip K. Dick and if you don't read Mr Dick, you should). Outside SF, there's a famous collection of essays If it had happened otherwise. There's Robert Sobels "For want of a Nail" The tradition goes way back. Livy had a go, I'm told.

Many-worlds theory (or "interpretation") implies that this stuff needn't be fiction. Far-out or what?

Anyway.

My question, "what if the monks of Furness Abbey were brewing now?" What if it was us? Would we have a "abbey" beer round here? How would it be influenced by our modern lay brown British beer tradition? It's said that some of those yeasts we think of as being "Belgian" started out in Scotch ales. How weird is that? We'd be using English hops rather than continental ones, for sure. But which? Goldings, Fuggles? Or more modern varieties? Continental "Caramalts", or good old crystal malt?

Only one way to find out. Let's brew a sort of South-Cumbrian (or North Lancs) Dubbel.

It'll be fun.  Fun.  Not a research project. Fun. i.e. don't tell me Belgo Abbey and Trappist beers are firmly within the local brewing tradition etc...etc...

Pump Clip Design Brief

Comrades:
In order to to support our key revolutionary aims of distinctiveness, economy and generally not being shite, the following design guidelines are hereby adopted:

1. No Gold
2. No Mountains
3. No Lakes
4. or Sheep
5. No Jolly Cartoon Fun
6. No Scrolls
7. No fancy die-cutting
8. Thou shalt not "go for a kind of Distressed Look"
9. No lasses exposing chestal areas.
10. No more than 2 typefaces
    

A bonfire of counter-revolutionary clips is to be organised on the pump clip parade.

'Twas ever thus.

What we got here is a photo-graph I took of some genyu-ine Ee-jip-shun tomb figgers. No fancy trickery involved. It's just how it looks in the museum. Where of course, at night, they come to life.

See, the guys on the left are mashing in. With their hands.  There's two actually working and one standing and pointing (head brewer I guess).  On the right sitting, looking at the bottles (jars really) is a scribe and there's a guy standing with a wad of papyrus under his arm next to him.  They're counting and doing the paper work. And there's another guy supervising (pointing).

In total: 2 managers, 2 clerks and two fellas doing any productive work. Plus ca change and that.

What I did on my holidays.

Well, of course, We drank beer. And wine. And some whisky.

But it's the beer that you're interested in, right? Looking back over my notes (as far as I can make out - they're a bit scrawly), I seem to have been using a marking scheme which I can no longer understand. So I'll reduce it all to a simple score out of 10 (there may be some half marks), and any sense I can distil from the ramblings - and then we can try to figure out what it says about me:

In chronological order:

Heineken 6
In the air. KLM do ghastly little fairy cans, while Air France have a reasonable 33cl one. For that matter Air France offer wine (and beer) with breakfast, while KLM give you a slightly dirty look when you ask.

Lagunitas IPA 7
Yay, we arrived. Praise be. Beer in fridge.

Full Sail Amber 5
Do I like these Amber beers?

Anderson Valley Boont Amber 5
No, guess not.

Sierra Nevada Torpedo 6
Supposed to be good - but is it really?

Anderson Valley Brother Davids Triple 5
It's a bit nasty. Banana? No spice. Burny alcohol

Tsingtao 5
mmm wet. Eating Dim Sum

North Coast Old Rasputin 6
Actually, various scores - 7 is the best it got. I gave it a 5 as well. Kept trying it tho'.

Flying Dog Doggie Style 4.5
I used to like this. Either it's changed or I have. Or it's a typo.

Gordon Biersch Czech Style Pilsner 7
That surprised me.

St Bernardus Tripel 8
More. Oh, there's no more?

Dogfish Head 90 min Imperial IPA 7.5
Good enough.

Bison Brewing Organic Chocolate Stout 5
This is a GABF silver medallist - can't see it myself.

Erdinger Hefe-weizen (Dark) i.e. Dunkel (what's hard about that?) 7.5
Good enough

Speakeasy Prohibition 6
Another amber. "Boldly hopped" my arse.

Speakeasy Big Daddy 7
IPA. not bad at all

Lagunitas Sonoma Farmhouse Hop Stoopid 6.5
Disappointed

Ballast Point Sculpin IPA 8
This is very nice.


What shall we conclude? Well, I don't like these amber beers much. The American IPAs cover the range from the pits to the tits. It's easy to f-up a Belgo-triple (and it's not that I don't like the "real thing"). I don't come across many 9's or above.

Anyway, that's the homework done. Now back to work.


In case you're interested, you might interpret these scores thusly:

<5 I wouldn't have another (well, maybe one just to make sure) 
5>score<7 I'd have another. 
score>7 even knowing what I'm like, you should probably have one.
8 or above: Have one. Go on.


Update: Have tried some torpedo since we got back... Herself still rates it "wouldn't have another", I have it down as "a bit rough without being tough, and confused also" and "hint of toilet-duck" So I'm afraid the 6 has to stand. I would have another, but I'd probably try something else rather. I'm probably not a good judge of these yank IPAs so I don't know if you should take my hearty endorsement of the Ballast Point seriously. But I'm planning to buy some of their other stuff on the strength of it.

Also, I'll have to get a bunch of Anchor Steam (I haven't had any for years and years) I used to like it, but now, who knows? I don't seem to like these other, newer, "ambers".

Progressive Brewing "so last year" say punk duo

In a shock announcement earlier this week, wee Jimmy and his Dad turned their back on their punk roots. "Yep, from now on, our beers are sweeter, weaker and less bitter", said a spokesdog.

Industry sources suggest that being told "what was good for them" and "your only chance of getting your bottles anywhere near the eyeline" has led to the pair betraying their fans and doing just what the man says.

"It's been great", said an insider penguin, "when the suits told us to jump, we had a jumping competition. I won!"